


Star Dancer

by sylpher



Series: galaxies and gardens [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Pining, Sci-fi/Fantasy AU, Soulmate AU, Soulmate Triads, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, This Is Sad, Universe AU, Unrequited Love, idk how to tag it but they're all stars and moons, there's a sequel where i make it all better, why did i do this, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26947393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylpher/pseuds/sylpher
Summary: In which star-children are fated for a sun and a moon.Felix meets Chan before he meets Changbin, but he loves them both just the same.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Bang Chan/Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Series: galaxies and gardens [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1966399
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	Star Dancer

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic and its sequel a long time ago, but apparently never got around to posting them! I was going through a backup of my old computer recently and rediscovered them, and decided it was time to let them see the light of day. I'll admit that I considered a complete rewrite of both, but as I went through and started editing this first installment I found I couldn't bring myself to do so; as such, while lightly edited for clarity of syntax, they remain largely as they were when I first wrote them. 
> 
> Please note that this first fic could feasibly be tagged as Major Character Death (though it's very non-explicit and metaphorical), but I chose not to use this tag due to the existence of a sequel in which said major character is very much alive. However, if MCD content is at all triggering for you, please approach this fic with caution.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope that wherever you are in the world you can see the sky tonight, and remember we're all surrounded by the same stars xx

Felix is a star-dancer.

Night-sky for eyes and a sunshine smile, cheeks speckled with moonlit constellations, faintly silvered hair with deep-blue tips he's due to lose in two millennia. He's been in the Earth-system since Chan was the colour of the sky he now wanders; back when Felix was royal-blue and still remembered how it felt to dance to starsong.

Felix first meets Chan when he makes oceans steam and rock bubble, when his hair is baby-blue and skin bright enough to blind. He greets Felix with a smile, holds out a hand and pulls him in for a hug, and something in Felix's chest gets very warm and very tight and he doesn't ever want to let go. But Felix is smaller than Chan; younger and brighter and he runs even hotter, and that means he hurts Chan every time he touches him, steals a little bit of him away. So he lets go, raising a hand to rub at the ache, and smiles through the unexplainable chill.

Later, when Chan is still bright but far away, when Felix dims and his cheeks glow soft and pale, the tiny ember he stole burrows deep and settles against his heart.

It feels like coming home.

___________________

For a while, Felix becomes Chan's shadow.

He wanders the sky with him, learns his planets and stars and empty spaces and falls in love with all of it, even as his chest aches and skin burns to reach out and touch. Chan is so _alive_ , the light of his smile and the crinkles in the corners of his eyes entirely addictive, and it's worse because it's not Felix that hurts. If it was he wouldn't hesitate, but it's Chan - and hurting him would be worse than never again being able to dance between the stars as they sing.

So he follows, he learns, he loves, and he aches.

___________________

Minho shows up when Chan's hair is newly silvered; when Felix is tired and scared and overwhelmed by the constant pounding in his chest, like he has been for a while.

Minho is a star-dancer, like him, but he has foreign constellations and the light of a different moon dusting his cheeks, and his skin is dimmer and his hair is whiter but still a little blue. He dances differently, too.

Felix likes him, likes the way he smiles and his eyes scrunch, and thinks maybe if he sticks around he'll be able to ignore the ache in his chest and the glow above his heart.

When Minho meets Chan, he isn't so sure anymore.

Chan and Minho are closer in age but Minho is still younger and hotter and brighter and the beat above Felix's heart takes on an entirely different tone when Chan holds out a hand and greets Minho with a hug. He feels _wrong_ , wants to shout _no, stop, please let go you're hurting him_ , but he can't because it's Chan who greeted Minho and it's not Minho's fault and they don't even know each other so he can't blame him at all-

It occurs to Felix later that cycle; when he takes his place between the stars, when Minho starts dancing and Chan watches in awe because he's never seen a star-dancer dance before, that Felix doesn't want any stray pieces of Chan wandering across systems and between galaxies. He wants them all here, with him, bright and warm in his chest as they glow.

It's entirely selfish, and Felix has never hated himself more.

___________________

Minho stays for three cycles.

He dances through all of them, links arms with Felix as they follow Chan across the sky, and Felix wishes he could dislike him but he can't. He's a beautiful dancer, fun and cheerful and genuinely kind, and he's kept firmly away from Chan since their first greeting.

He comes back with Felix on the last night-cycle, when Chan gets far away and they both dim in response. He dances to starsong, just for Felix, who for a while _can_ ignore the ache and lose himself in quiet nostalgia for what he once did every night among different stars. But Minho's chest doesn't glow like Felix's does, even though he hugged Chan too; it's dim like the rest of his body save for his cheeks and Felix doesn't know why.

He wonders if it's because they're from different systems; have different constellations and different moonlight, dance differently. Felix has never met another star-dancer, and he's suddenly conscious of the blue in the tips of of his hair, how dark it is compared to Minho's; how little he must know of everything there is.

When Minho finishes his dance Felix drops his knees from their curl under his chin to clap lightly, grinning wide enough that he's momentarily blinded. But when he opens his eyes again, it's to Minho right in front of him, knelt down and leaning close, staring at Felix's chest.

A hand reaches out, dimmer and larger than his own, and covers the glow. Felix watches it for a long moment, and then looks up.

Minho smiles, soft, and Felix distantly registers his own breath hitch at the solemn reverence in his expression.

 _You've found your sun_ , Minho whispers, awe echoing through the stars.

Felix can't speak, can only look down again, at the hand on his chest that blankets the glowing ember nestled above his heart, and try desperately to breathe.

Something inside him gets very warm and very tight all over again, a steel band wrapped around his lungs, and Felix remembers Chan's arms around him and the ways his eyes twinkle when he smiles, how his hair falls in soft waves and his skin shines and his laughter rings like a bell.

Minho drops his hand, still smiling, but it's gentle empathy that greets Felix when he finally lifts his gaze, both his own hands raising to cradle the glow. His eyes are raw and wet, so he closes them, feels the warmth pulsing against his palms, and curls into it.

When he opens his eyes again, Minho is gone.

___________________

It's with a cocktail of trepidation and longing churning in his gut that Felix takes his place by Chan's side for their next day-cycle wander.

Felix shines too, in the day-cycle, just not as bright as Chan. Pitifully dim in comparison, but he doesn't care because he's warm and safe and all his nerves are melting away because this is _Chan_ , and Felix has never felt so much at home as he does with Chan.

This cycle they walk the Earth-sky, and Felix can't help but smile every time he looks down and sees green and blue and white. It's a pretty planet, and the pale-blue sheen reminds Felix of Minho's hair. He wonders how close the star-dancer is to his colour shift, and what distant systems he must now be exploring. 

They're almost all the way across Earth-sky by the time Felix pulls himself out of his head, and when he looks up he catches Chan looking at him, gaze razor-edged. When he blinks, however, the sharpness disappears. There's only Chan, grinning bright and friendly, and Felix knows he shouldn't but he suddenly can't help but wish that he could reach out and grasp Chan's hand in one of his; place it over the glow in his chest.

Maybe it'd stop burning if he did.

___________________

Felix's hair is pastel-blue the cycle he meets his moon.

He's felt off for too many cycles to count, the ache above his heart thrumming painfully in the long hours that he dims, subsiding to a restless pulse only when next to Chan. It glows like an ember, the subtle shift of colour casting pale shadows on his skin. Felix can barely tear his eyes away from it, but he knows he must; if only for his own sanity.

So he turns his head instead to a darkened Earth-sky.

Chan is far away, sheltered from view by his planets, but there's someone he's never seen before walking the sky path, and they're definitely not a star.

Before he can overthink, Felix is standing and tracing out a new path to Earth. He's never been there in the night-cycle, doesn't know his way through the dark skies around the green-blue planet, but as he gets closer excitement beats a different rhythm in his chest; strange and new but a welcome distraction.

It's a moon, he realises, like the ones that walk Jupiter's paths. But Felix has never seen the Earth-moon before.

His hair is two-toned, silvery-grey and black, and his skin is the palest Felix has ever seen. It glows, too, like all moons do during night-cycle. Not a flame burn like Chan, though; it's soft and subdued, cool rather than white-hot.

When he looks up and meets Felix's eyes for the first time, Felix is struck by the softness of his gaze, He's all slim, angular lines and compact strength, but there's a warmth that shines in the set of his face, in the depth of dark eyes.

Felix smiles despite himself, and has his breath stolen away by the one he receives in return.

___________________

Earth-moon's name is Changbin, and Felix's chest hasn't felt this light in a millennia.

They walk the night-cycle together, that first meeting. Changbin doesn't sing like the stars do, but Felix has never been so captivated by silence. He catches Changbin glancing at his chest a lot, at the glow, but there's no judgement in his eyes, just curiosity.

For the first time, Felix isn't sure he wants the night-cycle to end.

There's no pain when he's with Changbin, no ache. He doesn't burn with every breath. He's not afraid to walk close enough that their hands and shoulders brush together; that the way they occupy space is a tangible thing. It's _easy_ with Changbin, the way it hasn't ever been with anyone else, not even Chan.

But time drifts on, and Felix soon glimpses the first of Chan's shine as he returns to begin the day-cycle. So Felix leaves Changbin, dimming gradually as he walks his fading sky path, and finds his way back to star-space to wait for Chan to appear.

It's so faint and so brief that it must be his imagination, but for a moment Felix swears he feels a second pulse flare to life beside the glow.

___________________

Felix looks at Chan a lot, the day-cycle that follows. It's never taken so long before; but then again Felix has never had anyone to walk the night-cycle with, either.

He gets caught a few times, in contemplation, but Chan is Chan and all he does is smile and laugh a little, and Felix can only imagine what it would be like if Chan could put an arm around his shoulders, knock into him playfully, ruffle his hair and grin at him. _Changbin_ _could,_ something small and bitter in Felix whispers, and somehow when he aches this time it's not for Chan but for Changbin, for the Earth-moon that could hug him without getting hurt, could link hands without little pieces of himself being stolen away.

But then Felix looks up at Chan again and feels the ember in his chest burn painfully sharp through the mask of his own skin-shine, and wonders quietly if loving things always has to hurt so much.

He thinks maybe it does, because otherwise there would be no stars left.

___________________

When Felix makes his way back to the Earth-sky path Changbin isn't there yet, so he sits off to the side and waits, looking down at the dark blues and greens dappled across the surface below.

It's a hand on his shoulder that alerts him to Changbin's arrival, and that alone is enough to set his heart racing, but then when Felix stands and turns he's abruptly pulled into a hug. It's very hard to breathe all of a sudden, instinct forcing him to flinch but everything else lifting his own arms to wrap around broad shoulders, and bury his face in a softly glowing shoulder.

It comes as a shock; whether it should be or not Felix doesn't know, but Changbin is _warm_. Felix hasn't ever though he was cold during night-cycle, but he's suddenly aware of every part of him not in contact with Changbin being disconcertingly chilled.

It's a different type of heat to the ember; that glows white-hot even as it shifts orange-red-black, but Changbin is the type of warm that burrows deep in his bones and stays there.

It's both so unexpected and so exactly what he needs that for a moment Felix's eyes burn worse than his chest.

He has to let go at some point, unfortunately, but then Changbin reaches out and links their hands together, weaves his fingers between Felix's and squeezes lightly. His eyes are bright, his cheeks have soft smile-creases, and time stops, stretches- then warps sticky-slow as Felix looks down at their hands and feels a second ember settle firm above his heart.

When he raises his head, time jackknifes abruptly back and the night sky blooms in technicolour.

Changbin keeps holding his hand.

___________________

At some point, Felix mentions Changbin to Chan.

They're far out, walking the indigo Neptune-sky. Felix has finally started properly silvering, and Chan is gradually gaining a pale blonde sheen. At night, when Felix dims, there's a two-tone glow under his skin; dual embers burning just as bright as when they first make a home there.

Felix doesn't say much, but Chan is still intrigued - very intrigued, if the next half-cycle is any indication. Questions flow fast and Felix's chest clenches tight with stress because there's Changbin and then there's _Changbin_ \- Felix's Changbin. And as sharp as his first ember burns and as deeply as he loves Chan, Felix has never had anyone all of his own before, not like Changbin.

And he knows that if he gives _his_ Changbin away, there's no way Chan won't fall for him too.

But Chan has always been his biggest weakness. Felix surrenders, hollow with selfish longing as the words trickle out of his mouth. They're coated in affection, glimmer with adoration, and Felix can only watch as Chan takes it all for himself.

___________________

That night-cycle, he tells Changbin about Chan.

He watches the words fall again, enamoured and loving and entirely too much of himself to give away, and everything in him cries out when something sparks in the warm depths of Changbin's eyes that Felix has never seen before.

For the first time since they met, Felix leaves before Changbin has finished walking his sky path.

He says goodbye with a smile; genuine because he can't be anything else with Changbin, not even now, but his entire being hurts worse than it ever has before.

He sits alone in star-space looking down at his chest, and wonders if it would ache less if it didn't glow.

___________________

They meet.

Changbin reaches Chan on the sky path, and Earth goes dark during the day-cycle. Felix hangs back, watches as a strange light filters down over his favourite blues and greens, feels the embers in his chest throb. They've never been so heavy.

Eventually Changbin has to go; it's not his cycle, not his path to walk. Only then does Chan turn back to face Felix, and there's a breath of frozen silence as a little of the ember in his chest fractures to ash. It drifts slow to the base of his heart and rests there, leaden and cold.

He's never seen Chan look the way he does now.

Everything about him is shining, like he's gone back three millennia to when he was fully silvered and painfully bright. His smile is soft, so incredibly soft, and his eyes look like Changbin's did when Felix first gave away his words.

Felix wants to turn tail and run and never return, away to where Changbin and Chan won't ever reach him because they can't walk between the stars like he can. But that means leaving Chan during the day-cycle, and Felix has _never_ done that before - not once in the entire time he's known him.

So he smiles back happily, hates that he means it even as his chest flickers and dims, and rejoins Chan to walk the sky path.

Chan talks about Changbin.

Felix wonders for a while how Chan can have so much to say about him when they've only met once, at the beginning of this very cycle - but then he remembers how much of himself he's given away; how many words he's set adrift to sail across empty space into a heart that isn't his own.

Ember cools and fades to ash, and Felix feels his heart beat a little weaker.

___________________

Sometimes, Felix toys with the idea of touching Chan, reaching out and grabbing his hand and making him hurt like Felix does. He knows he could do it if he really wanted to; that bitter, hollow chasm would spread like wildfire if he gave it permission, but both Chan and Changbin are completely oblivious and so wrapped up in each other that Felix knows neither of them have any idea they were responsible for the glow in his chest.

It doesn't glow so brightly anymore.

He's been alone for seven cycles, watching as Chan and Changbin walk their paths along the Earth-sky, each trying desperately to glimpse the other before the shift from day to night. It hurts less each time they smile.

He sinks, just briefly, into sharp resentment at the cruelty of fate to let the constellations on his cheeks and the moonlight behind them lead him here, to Chan and to Changbin, his sun and his moon, only to tear them away. But Felix knows, deep down, that it was him that did the tearing; him that fell to ash, and yet even as he burns and fades he still can't help but love.

He thinks about Minho a lot, the star-dancer with foreign constellations and softer moonlight, and hopes he's found his sun and moon.

And that they orbit as three, not two.

___________________

Felix is fully silvered by the time his embers fade completely.

Chan is a striking blonde shifting orange, like his ember used to be, and Changbin glows brighter every cycle. They look beautiful in love.

Felix isn't angry anymore. He doesn't want to hurt Chan, doesn't want to hurt Changbin. Still loves them enough to want them happy.

But the ashes in his chest are suffocating his heart, and he knows he doesn't have much time left.

Felix knows he should turn his back on the Earth-system. He could escape through the tangled star-paths, the ones that twist between systems and branch across galaxies; attempt to find Minho somewhere in the ever-expanding universe and dance with him one last time.

He won't, though.

Even now, he can't leave them.

___________________

Felix is blonde when he dances to starsong for the last time.

He hasn't looked at Changbin and Chan for many, many cycles, instead facing outwards, eyes locked on the far reaches of the Earth-system; to younger stars gleaming gently with innocence, and their elders burning steady and strong.

He dims at night, so dark he almost fades away.

This is how he dances; in shadowed moonlight where every movement shifts star-space and the path beneath his feet is brushed away with a single soft kick. He dances and he weeps for the ashes in his chest and lost embers, even as the sky slowly brightens behind him.

___________________

As dawn breaks, there is only empty space.


End file.
